“My Constant Fighting Marriage!”

People sometimes describe their relationship as, “My Constant Fighting Marriage” or they’ll refer to their spouse as the “constantly fighting husband/wife.” What I’ve noticed over the years though, is that sometimes, we all like to “stir the pot.”

One of my earliest memories is of a nest of bees in the corner of our garage in Castile, NY. I remember taking one of my friends to see the bees swarming around the nest and getting the bright idea to spray them with a garden hose. The theory was that we could knock the nest down with a high pressure spray and then race the bees to the back door of our house. Of course, we didn’t let my mother know what we were up to or she surely would have objected.

So we cranked-up the hose and blasted away. Immediately, as if they’d been tipped-off re. our sinister plan, the bees swarmed and attacked. We dropped the hose and raced to the door, screaming all the way. We slipped inside and slammed the screen door shut, just in time to see hundreds of bees plaster themselves against the door. Angered, and buzzing like a chain saw, the bees tried desperately to get to us. Still, we were safe and unscathed. Dumb…but lucky….

Why did we do it?

I’d say the real reason was boredom or perhaps curiosity. We loved the thrill of danger and knew we’d face it if we harassed these critters enough. My question is, are you doing that to your spouse?

Seriously–some couple fight on purpose. They may joke that they just like “making-up.” Still, the “thrill” of the battle drives them to do and say some pretty dumb things just to get their mate to react. While normal arguments or disagreements can be healthy if proper conflict resolution techniques are used, fighting just for the “fun” or “thrill,” is dangerous and often, destructive.

Rather than stirring the anger in your spouse and then blaming him or her OR, rather than just putting up with a spouse who seems to do the same to you; my suggestion is to find some challenging–maybe even extreme sports leisure activities that give you that same adrenaline rush without doing harm to your marriage. If you’d like to discuss this or hear some suggestions on activities that might help, just leave a comment below.

Pastor Joel

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