Tough Love Relationships

James Dobson once said that if your kids live to be 18, you’re a successful parent. My Granddaughter Aadi almost ruined that one day.

My daughter Shelly and her daughter, Aadi, came to visit one afternoon. Aadi was about 2 and my daughter was pregnant with her second child. I was having some severe knee problems such that I was limping badly but I hobbled out the door to see them anyway. I let Aadi out of the car and we started walking toward the house together. My daughter was a few steps ahead of us.

When I reached the steps to our side entrance, I realized Aadi wasn’t beside me. When I turned around, I saw her running toward the street. We live on a main road between New Britain and Newington, CT. Traffic is intense and fast-moving. Aadi, oblivious to the danger, was laughing and racing toward it. My daughter screamed and we both started yelling to her to stop!

Aadi, who now thought this was a delightful game, laughed louder and ran faster toward her own demise.

Wincing in pain and screaming for her to stop, I took off! I ran and prayed and ran and prayed. Just as she crossed the sidewalk, literally one jump from entering traffic below eye-level for most drivers, I caught her by the collar and dragged her backwards. She fell on her bottom and cried, looking at me as if I was a cruel monster. I swept her into my arms, comforting and explaining to her that I HAD to do that because she almost had a “REALLY BAD OWCHIE” if I hadn’t stopped her.

I carried her to her sobbing mother who hugged and kissed and lectured her as we limped into the house.

My actions that day didn’t ruin our relationship. In fact, they saved her life. Still, had you asked her that afternoon about her “Bampa,” she would have told you that I was “Bad.” Why? Because I ruined her fun.

A lesson for marriage

You might be thinking, “Well, this is fine for parents, but I’m only engaged,” or, “We don’t have kids yet–so what’s the point?”

Truthfully, ALL relationships require “tough love.” There’s not such thing as a trouble-free, conflict-free friendship–let alone, marriage! In my book, “The Crucified Couple,” I talk about several steps to conflict resolution. CLICK HERE for a review of the book (Scroll down the reviews to find “The Best Marriage Book Ever.”). Still, that only becomes necessary when we are bold enough to confront a problem–in love, and with humility, but confronted nonetheless!

True love isn’t “live and let live,” nor is it “live and let die,” (as the Beatles musically taught us all). True love will always confront someone when to avoid that confrontation means to allow them to suffer. In Galatians 6:1, the Apostle Paul puts it this way, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted (NKJV).”

Simply put–you can’t let them run into the street!

Questions to Ask

So if you’re considering marriage, consider these questions:

  1. Are you willing to confront your future spouse if needed?
  2. Is he/she willing to do the same for you?
  3. Are you willing to receive that confrontation with grace and humilty?
  4. Is he/she willing to receive your correction the same way?

If the answer to any of these questions is, “No,” I would advise that you “put the brakes on” any marriage plans until you get some counseling and change it to a “Yes.” If I can help–just let me know. You can reach us via the “contact” tab on this page or by calling 860-938-2725.

 

Blessings,

Pastor Joel

2 thoughts on “Tough Love Relationships”

  1. It’s strange how you and I think alike! I just recently did 2 podcast shows 1 is on? out of control kids, The other? Relationships and in my commentary, I mentioned “pushing the envelope” To see just
    how far we can get away with things? Now here you are! writing the latest Blog coming into full
    agreement with what I said

    strange how things work out but glad someone besides myself get’s it

    1. Now I’m worried about you Michael…lol. Hope to see you soon. Check out the review on my book under “Reviews” and comment there too OK? I appreciate it!

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